this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
