sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
