Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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