I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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