I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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