All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
