My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
