why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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