Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I deserve this hangover.
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