He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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