Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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