I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize