I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
