arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
