Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
