as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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