FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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