brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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