Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
