Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
FUCK WHALES
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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