69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
