just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
