I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
