Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize