Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
