we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Less talking, more tequila
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
