he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
