see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
