My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize