"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
