Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
