Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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