Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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