i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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