tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
