Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
