Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
