Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
