im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
