i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
