and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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