next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
