i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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