There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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