I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
