Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
