Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I touched a dick in church today
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
