Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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