You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
