I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
