Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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