Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
