He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
