8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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