as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
