They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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