the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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