I got chris browned last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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