T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
