If i come over, it means nothing
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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