It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
