How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
