guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize