Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
