This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
