i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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