you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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