You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
