I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize