Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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