So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
