I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
