apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
