He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
