You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
