You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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