kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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