i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Screwed.edu
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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