I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
