life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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