I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
