who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
