This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
