I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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