Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
