she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize