he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this boner is exhausting
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
