A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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