No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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