): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
