He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
