she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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