It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
