He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Randomize
